Category — Online Dating

A recent article in the New York Times addressed how singles in the online dating world should discuss their approach to money in their online profile.  If you’ve got it, should you flaunt it?  Or worse – if you don’t have it, should you fake it?  Is there a shame in being a conservative spender?  Or can being fiscally responsible make you more appealing to other sensible spenders in today’s wayward economy?

There’s no question that disputes relating to money cause a good percentage of divorces and that having a shared approach to the family’s finances can reduce the incidence of these breakups.  With this in mind, some online dating sites such as eHarmony include questions about your approach to money in their personality assessment.  But for most people, financial philosophies are based not only on rational thought but on an emotional component that is often difficult to pin down.  And yet, I’d like to suggest that even if we can’t identify exactly how we feel about money, it’s still an important factor to consider when looking for a mate – a factor that is probably more important than what colors his eyes and hair are, although these questions are asked by every single online dating site.

In today’s world of online dating, singles are encouraged to evaluate others based upon their salary (if they choose to share that information) or their silence (if they don’t).  I’d like to suggest, however, that these questions are entirely misleading.  If a single chooses not to divulge his salary range, is he quietly asking you not to judge him on his income, or is he embarrassed by the number?  And if he does submit his salary range, is it something you can really learn from?  It seems to me that what’s more important than the number is how a potential partner spends his money.  Does he live a lavish lifestyle by spending his money too freely?  Or does he remain grounded and fiscally responsible while squirreling money away for his children’s education or his future wedding?

Unfortunately, there is no real way to judge these types of issues until you meet a potential suitor in person.  And herein lies my hypothesis that while you should be aware of money as an important aspect of every relationship, it’s not one that should be judged when reading someone’s online profile.  It’s surely awkward to ask someone about their spending habits before you’ve met them, but it is something that you can tell about a person in a first meeting.  Does your date offer to take you to a coffee bar or to an upscale bistro?  Does he arrive in a sensible Nissan or a Porsche?  How do you feel about his choices?  Only when combining your rational thought with your emotional comprehension of the person can you truly make a decision about whether or not this suitor has a financial outlook that you can live with.

So don’t judge a potential suitor by the salary range listed in his (or her) profile.  Instead, make sure that other interests match up and keep your financial outlook reserved for future evaluation.

If you’re frustrated with the world of online dating, you may feel alone – but you’re not.  Still, as you see your friends happily wedded while you’re still waiting for Wednesday night’s blind date, you’re probably wondering what it is that’s undesirable about you, or why it is that no suitable partners can appreciate your good qualities.  It may make you feel a tiny bit better to know that others are equally perplexed.

Lora-Ellen McKinney, a psychologist, health-policy analyst and writer seems to have it all.  She’s talented, educated, employed, healthy and attractive.  Why then, can’t she find love online?  In her new play, fully titled “Welcome to the Freak Show: Match.Dot.Bomb”, McKinney chronicles her online dating experiences in a way that’s poignant, funny and sadly realistic.   McKinney has the uncanny ability to put into words the experiences that most women try to block out or are too flustered to retell.  Perhaps most importantly, McKinney is able to weave her story into a lesson for other women who engage in online dating so that they hopefully won’t face the same frustration that she has.

The show is directed by Shanga Parker, an award-winning theater artist and an accomplished director, and can be seen at Hugo House in Seattle on August 16th and on November 12th at the B2 Fine Arts Gallery in Tacoma, WA.  And, while it might make an interesting first date conversation, you may want to consider taking a friend instead of a beau.  After all, you never know if the companion you’ve met online is one of the men that McKinney parodies.

Dating when you’re a single parent is generally scarier (and less convenient) than dating when you’re completely unattached.  You’ve got to worry about finding someone to accept (and hopefully love) both you and your children.  You’ve got to worry about finding someone stable, someone safe.  And, many times, you’ve got to worry about babysitting.  The good news is that online dating is a great way to connect with people at a time that’s convenient for your hectic life.  The bad news is that meeting others online always comes with additional security concerns, which are often compounded when there are children in the picture.

If you’re looking for some guidance before you enter the world of single parent online dating, you’ve come to the right place.  Follow these tips for a safe and successful single parent online dating experience.

1. Never post pictures of your children on your profile pages. For many parents (both single and in committed relationships), children are the apple of your eye, your pride and joy, the air you breathe…you get the idea.  But although online dating sites are designed to be safe, you never really know who will stumble across your profile.  Why expose your children to strangers unnecessarily?  When posting your profile on any online dating site, make sure to keep your children out of the snapshot.
2. Consider using sites that aren’t specifically for single parents.  This may sound counterintuitive, but many single parents feel more secure safeguarding this information until they’ve established that their potential suitor is a safe person.  Match.com, for example, is extremely popular as an outlet for single parent online dating.  Likewise, you can also try unconventional options like meeting people through Craigslist or other community websites.
3. Try dating sites that are specifically for single parents.  If the previous suggestion doesn’t appeal to you, try the other extreme.  Sites like Single Parents Mingle make it easy to find other singles that have gone through similarly difficult times, which may make them more appropriate matches for you.  You should still be wary of giving out personal information (especially as it pertains to your kids) so that you’ll ensure your family’s security.
4. Do a background check.  You don’t need to hire a private investigator to get the full scoop about your potential suitor(s) – you can do it simply with services that specialize in quick background checks starting at $15 and up.
5. Dress appropriately.  In the world of single parent online dating you’ll find many people who are desperate to leave the world of single parenthood behind.  Even if you’re one of those people, you wouldn’t want to transmit that message to a potential partner on the first day.  You’ll want to stay reserved, cautious and somewhat conservative until you’ve confirmed that the ‘coast is clear’. Save your mini-skirts and low-cut tops for the second or third date so that the partner sitting across from you won’t mark you as an easy target which can leave you and your children vulnerable and open to heartbreak.

Stay tuned for more online dating safety tips and feel free to share your own stories so that nobody else finds themselves in the same uncomfortable situation!

With Valentine’s day quickly approaching, your mind may be racing with ideas of how you can romance your partner.  But, if you’re like one of the millions of people who are unhappy in their relationship, you are more likely to be thinking about how to dump your partner and find a new one before you’re stuck all alone on Valentine’s day.  According to a survey conducted by Cupid.com, January is an extremely popular month for breaking up, because most people are reluctant to do the deed before the holiday season, for obvious reasons.  And, although breaking up is seldom pleasant, there are a few ways in which you can minimize the discomfort (and hopefully the emotional turmoil).  Here are some practical suggestions for how to break up with dignity:

1. Break up in a public place. While it may not be entirely comfortable to break the bad news in public, it may encourage your (ex)partner to keep yelling or crying to a minimum.  Hopefully, by the time he or she is able to let out the emotions, the potency will be significantly reduced.
2. Return your ex’s property on the spot. It’s always appropriate to return property that doesn’t belong to you, but doing it during while you’re actually breaking up will prevent you from having to see you ex in the immediate future.
3. Don’t be cruel. Explaining every precise reason about why you’ve decided to break up will not make your ex feel better.  It may, in fact, cause him (or her) to become further depressed.
4. Be honest. While you needn’t provide a laundry list of reasons that you’ve decided to beak up, it’s helpful to tell the truth.  Dancing around the issue or lying about your motives will only leave unresolved issues that will prevent both you and your ex from moving on properly.
5. Don’t spill the beans in advance. Even if you’ve been planning the breakup for a long time, don’t discuss it with too many people.  The process will be significantly more grueling if your partner finds out about it from someone else.
6. Be prepared. Although it may be unpleasant, there’s a chance that groveling may be involved.  If you’re sure that you’ve made the right decision, don’t be swayed by the begging or pleading.
7. Don’t suggest being friends. While many people have only the best intentions when they suggest remaining friends with their ex, studies show that in most cases, this friendship can hinder the healing process.
8. Don’t use email. Breaking up via email may be suitable if you’ve only gone on one or two date.  But if you’ve been seriously involved with someone (or even moderately involved) for a reasonable period of time, an email break up is completely déclassé.  Sure, it may sidestep some of the discomfort, but it may also create a reputation that you’re less than proud of.
9. Don’t point blame. The trite “it’s not you, it’s me” is never a good way to break up, even if you’re blaming yourself.  Likewise, blaming your ex can only lead to self-deprecation and guilt, neither of which are productive emotions.
10. Don’t be afraid to look ahead. It may be difficult to look ahead while you’re in the process of breaking up with someone, but keeping your eye on the future can provide hope instead of despair during this difficult time.

As dating websites go, eHarmony sets itself apart by offering technology-based matches based on “29 Dimensions of Compatibility” that have been confirmed by experts to play a role in creating long-lasting relationships.  The company, which has long been serving the heterosexual community launched a gay dating site in 2009 called Compatible Partners, based upon the same principles.  A recent court ruling, however, may be changing this duality.

Under a proposed settlement filed in the Los Angeles Superior Court on January 26th, eHarmony agreed to link its separate websites and better publicize that it offers gay dating services.  Among the changes that eHarmony agreed to make are to change the language on their site to say that their gay online dating services are ‘brought to you by eHarmony’ instead of simply ‘powered by eHarmony’.  In addition, eHarmony will add a section to its website specifically for gay dating, much like it currently offers “Jewish Dating,” “Senior Dating” and other types of targeted online dating options.  As of now, this change has not yet been implemented, but I will be curious to see how they affect eHarmony, if at all.

What makes this case interesting (in my opinion) is that while gay rights activists insist that mainstream online dating sites such as eHarmony expand their offerings to provide gay dating services, sites such as gay.com have not yet been required to add services for heterosexual singles.  Likewise, neither Jewish dating sites nor Christian dating sites have been forced to expand their services to include singles of other religions.

While I’m thrilled about this ‘victory’ for gay rights, I am a bit puzzled as to whether eHarmony’s previous behavior was truly offensive.  Wouldn’t gay singles enjoy finding matches on a site designed just for them?  Isn’t that why gay online dating sites have grown in leaps and bounds over the past few years?  I’m curious to hear what you think about this, as the issue is quite provocative and one that is sure to continually evolve in the coming years.  It’ll be interesting to see if other dating websites will be compelled to change their policies as well.

If you’re a woman, you probably believe that the way you spend Valentine’s Day with your partner says a lot about where your relationship is headed.  And if you’re a man, you’re aware that your Valentine’s Day date will be the most over-scrutinized date of the year, so it’s imperative that it’s not just a good one, but a great one.  Here are some date ideas for Valentine’s Day- or for any day that you want to make a really good impression.

Adventurous Date Ideas:

- Hot-air ballooning.

- Mountain climbing (even if the nearest mountain is a few hours away, you can enjoy the private car ride together).

- Hiking.

- Sky diving (for a specifically intimate experience, jump together in a single parachute).

- Skiing or water-skiing (depending on where you live and the weather in your area in February).

Romantic Date Ideas:

- Create a treasure hunt in which your girlfriend will amass various trinkets such as a teddy bear, jewelry or flowers, and end at a fancy restaurant.

- Re-enact your first date.

- Moonlight walk along the beach (which, incidentally, is still romantic even in cold climates, as long as it’s not too cold outside).

- Home-cooked picnic (if it’s too cold outside, consider setting up a blanket on your living room floor, and heating up the fireplace).

-Limo ride around the city (with drinks, of course, since you won’t be driving).

Cute date ideas:

- Volunteer together (few things are more romantic than showing your compassionate side.  Let your partner see that you can be giving to others, not just to him).

- Apple picking.

- Drive-in movie.

- Karaoke (in which you each pick a song to represent your relationship).

- Plan a cheesy Valentine’s Day date with flowers, chocolate and a fancy dinner (it may be over-done, but most women agree that it’s still adorable!).

If you’ve ever tried online dating you probably know that finding a person of interest can take time, energy and effort.  And in all honesty, you’d probably prefer to spend these things on your date, not on finding your date.  The new Apple iPad, however, can make it possible for you to look for a suitable partner from nearly anywhere.  While some versions of the iPad only have WiFi accessibility and will require being near a hotspot, the ones with 3G capability will allow singles to have internet access anywhere, which means that they needn’t wait to get home from work in order to fire up their search.

The biggest negative about the iPad is that it doesn’t have a camera of USB port, so it may be difficult to upload profile pictures or create a complete profile if you haven’t had one before.  Still, if you already have an account at an online dating site you will be able to access it from anywhere and browse the profiles at your convenience.

I predict that in the coming months as the iPad becomes more available and popular we’ll see an increase of singles looking for love on the train, bus or in the park during their lunch break.  If I may be so sly to suggest it, why not peek over to the screen of the iPad next to you – who knows, if that person is also looking for love, you can strike up a conversation, and you may not even need an online dating site!

Blackbox Republic launched a brand new private dating site for people of all orientations and lifestyles. The site combines features of social networks with the personal elements of a standard dating site and creates a place where people can share their unedited personal life and later meet up in person.

Blackbox Republic is a totally private, invitation only network. Anyone can join, but you must be vouched for by an existing member to gain wider access to the community. Content can be published to all members, or sent only to specific groups of friends. You can also post more public content to existing social networks like Twitter and Facebook from within the application.

To start you up, you need to use the sliders at the homepage, and tell the system what kind of partner are you looking for, what’s your status and what vibe are you in. The site is well designed and fun to navigate through.

“People are used to sharing their lives online but have a problem knowing where to put the more private and personal things they want to share,” said Sam Lawrence, CEO and co-founder. “The only choices before now were advertising-focused public spotlights like Facebook, or online personals sites built around chemistry tests and splintered by race, sexual orientation or religion. We are aiming for something radically different.”

We’re not so superficial as to say that looks is everything, but we are human. Thus, we know that when looking at profiles on dating sites, people scope out the pictures first. Beauty and attraction are a matter of taste, but you can still upgrade your online dating profile by choosing the best picture of yourself to attach to it.

Online Dating Profile Picture Tips

1. Choose a photo that YOU like: you should feel comfortable and happy with the photos that represent you on dating sites. Don’t choose a picture just because you think others might like it.
2. Clear and focused: this might sound obvious, but for some reason, too many people choose blurry, dark images, in which you can hardly recognize any details. Unfocused pictures aren’t artistic – they are just poor quality.
3. Take a picture of yourself doing one of your favorite activities: If you have a hobby, get someone to take your picture while you are engaged in it. It will almost always present you in a positive light, because you tend to look happy and active while doing something you love.
4. Just you: most of the pictures in dating sites profiles should be of you – and just you. Especially avoid pictures with your Ex or any other member of the opposite sex. Pictures with other people deleted or blackened to hide them aren’t very impressive either.
5. Color it: color images are better than black and white. We have the technology, so use it!
6. Don’t take it yourself: if possible, ask a friend to take your picture for you. Self-taken pictures look exactly like that – with odd angles that rarely flatter you.
7. No nudity: some people think it’s attractive to post nude or semi-nude pictures in online dating sites. First of all, most sites will ban you or delete the image. Second, it doesn’t make a good impression. Put decent pictures, and take your clothes off when the right time comes.

In what seems mostly like a flamebait publicity stunt, dating site BeautifulPeople.com has removed 5,000 users from the site, because they put on extra weight and could no longer be deemed “Beautiful”.

“As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld,” said Robert Hintze, founder of BeautifulPeople.com. “Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.”

“The countries where most overweight people were expelled from are the US, Britain, Canada, Poland, Germany, Italy, France, Denmark and Turkey,” said the press release.

In the e-mail sent to the banished users, there were suggestions for boot camps and workout facilities so the users can get themselves back in shape.

This dating site declares itself as “an exclusively beautiful community, founded for the purpose of creating personal and professional relationships… an elite online club, where every member works the door”.

If you consider yourself beautiful and think you can meet the standards of this snobby site, you might want to give it a try. Otherwise, there are plenty of great dating sites that won’t check your weight and won’t ban you on the basis of your looks.